【EQ = 4 Abilities】Increase your EQ, or mental intelligence quotient, which is the key to success in life.

You’ve probably heard a lot about IQ (Intelligence Quotient), and if you score high on an IQ test, you are said to be smart, and some people even call you a genius.

EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient), on the other hand, is called the intelligence quotient of the heart. So, if IQ is about the head, EQ is about the heart.

It is said that in order to succeed in business, you need not only IQ but also EQ. It is also said that most successful leaders have a high EQ ability.

In this article, I would like to learn about EQ with you.

Unlike IQ, EQ has a little genetic component and can be developed through learning and training.

Specifically, EQ can be divided into the following four abilities.

Self-Awareness – Become aware of your emotions and improve your EQ

What is self-awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to know who you really are.

It refers to the ability to correctly grasp and understand the workings of one’s own mind. Simply put, it is the ability to look within.

Self-awareness is the ability to objectively see and understand how you are dealing with problems and how you are responding to others.

Self-awareness is said to be the most important ability, as it is the foundation that supports all the abilities that are essential for EQ.

If you lack this ability, you will not be able to develop your other abilities and therefore will not be able to develop your EQ. However, conversely, if you develop this ability, you will be able to develop your other abilities and EQ as well.

In order to improve your self-awareness, it is important to be aware of your emotions. The moment your emotions are triggered, you notice them.

It is especially important to be aware of the cause of negative emotions when they arise. Negative emotions are a sign that is trying to inform you of something important. They tell you that there is something you need to learn about your emotions.

When you notice negative emotions, instead of being annoyed by them, think of them as an opportunity to raise your EQ level and as an exercise in Self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the ability to understand what you react to and how you react to it as it is. When you know what you are good at, what motivates you, and what satisfies you, you will do better at work, and it will have a positive impact on your relationships at work and at home.

Don’t judge emotions as good or bad

We should not make judgments that allow us to decide which emotions are good or bad at any given time.

Many of us make simple judgments about our emotions, such as when we are frustrated we feel bad, when we are excited we feel good. However, when we assign emotions in this way, we lose sight of what we are really feeling.

It is important to accept and acknowledge the feelings as they are.

This will help you to understand what is causing the emotion. If you just observe your emotions, you will realize that they come and go naturally. It’s not that you don’t want to feel negative emotions, but if you just observe them, they will disappear before you know it.

The trick is to do this as if you are feeling all the emotions themselves. Feel the emotion with your whole body without judging whether it is good or bad. Instead of thinking about the events that brought about the negative emotions, try to feel them with your whole body.

And negative emotions are always trying to teach us something important. Whenever you feel negative emotions, try to explore the important messages from the emotions, and your EQ level will increase rapidly.

Get used to negativity

Don’t turn away from negative emotions. People begin to change when they clearly acknowledge their negative emotions.

By accepting those negative emotions, we start to think about how we can change ourselves.

Without this awareness of how you can change, you will not be able to develop self-control and you will not be able to grow in any way.

In any case, it is important not to deny negative emotions. At first, you may deny yourself for being in a negative state. However, your mind is telling you what is really important. It’s a sign that you still have the wrong mindset.

Every moment of emotional movement is an opportunity for growth.

If you notice any emotions in the future, consider it as a chance to improve your EQ. The more you solve the exercise of negative emotions, the more you will improve.

Feel the emotions in your body

When emotions move, various changes occur in the body.

Your stomach may knot up, your chest may tighten, your heartbeat may speed up, your breathing may become ragged, your mouth may become dry, your expression may become stiff, and so on.

Therefore, the best way to immediately recognize when your emotions are moving is to find the changes in your body.

The changes in the body caused by emotions can be clearly seen by closing your eyes and focusing on the sensations in your body. You will notice that your heart is beating faster than usual and that your breathing is more ragged than usual.

It is very important to be able to notice these differences from normal. Once you get used to this, you will be able to notice colds before you catch them.

It is also useful to deliberately remember an unpleasant event and feel negative emotions. Practicing observing the sensations as they are will help you in times of emergency.

Knowing through daily practice what changes occur in your body when you are frustrated will help you learn more about yourself and improve your self-awareness.

Self-management skills – Controlling your emotions

What is self-management skills

Self-management skills are related to when people take action or fail to take action.

Self-management skills are influenced by self-awareness. The ability to control oneself and think and act positively in any situation. It also refers to the ability to understand and accept one’s own mental movements and not be swayed by emotions.

Next, I will introduce some techniques to develop self-control.

Breathe correctly

People who are not conscious of their breathing take short, shallow breaths throughout the day. However, only this shallow breathing is not enough to maintain high performance.

Once in a while, consciously use your diaphragm to expand your lungs to the fullest and take deep breaths. The oxygen that enters the brain is first used for the basic functions of life. After that, the excess oxygen is used for functions such as attention, concentration, and calmness.

In other words, if your breathing is shallow, you will not be able to concentrate, and your mood will become unstable and depressed. In order to maintain high performance, you need to breathe deeply and correctly.

Deep breathing means breathing in slowly and deeply, feeling your stomach and chest expand, and also imagining the sensation of oxygen reaching your brain.

Next, slowly exhale that breath until your lungs are completely empty. If your belly is moving more than your chest, you are breathing correctly. This is called abdominal breathing, and it helps you breathe deeper and more relaxed, which in turn helps you concentrate better.

You will feel calmer and more relaxed, and your mind will be clearer. It also has a great effect when you are feeling negative. It also helps to calm your mind and think differently when you are going through a round of negative thoughts.

Breathing correctly is a simple and effective self-care technique that can be practiced immediately anywhere.

Count to 10

This method is most effective when you are about to become emotional.

When you feel your emotions about to change, take a deep, conscious breath and count to ten. Count the cycle of inhaling and exhaling as 1. Counting as you breathe will help you relax and regain your composure without reacting too quickly.

In any case, it is important to take a pause without reacting immediately.

The key is to give yourself a little time, so the moment you get angry and want to retort to a verbal attack, you can take a moment to have a drink.

By giving yourself time, you can look at your emotions objectively and prevent them from controlling you.

Laugh anyway

Forcing yourself to smile or laugh is another effective technique to increase your self-control.

Just by smiling or laughing, positive signals are sent to the brain. Therefore, just by forcing yourself to smile, you can alleviate your negative state of mind.

This has actually been proven in some experiments, and it has been found that you can control how you feel in the same situation by your movements and facial expressions.

When you are depressed, watch a funny video for a while and really laugh, and before you know it, your frustration and sadness will disappear.

Laughter is a very effective technique to blow away negative emotions.

Value the charging time

In order to maintain self-discipline, recharging time such as exercise and time to relax is very important.

Be sure to include time in your day to stimulate blood flow and relax your brain.

Exercise, yoga, stretching, and walks are all linked to mental health. Regularly doing these things will increase brain substances such as serotonin and endorphins, which will increase your sense of well-being and alertness.

Make it a daily habit to set aside such time at least once a day, no matter how busy your day is.

Some people may think they are too busy to have time to recharge. However, if you take time to recharge every day, your brain will work better and you will be able to get more done as a result.

Social Awareness – Reading other people’s minds

What is social awareness

A person who is a sensible person can be said to have a high level of social awareness.

For example, when you are eating, you immediately notice that your glass is empty and order it, or you immediately notice that the other person needs a plate of food.

A person looks at the other person’s expression and able to ask, “What’s wrong?” is also with high social awareness.

Such people are highly capable of perceiving and understanding the feelings of others. They don’t only think about themselves but are able to see what is going on around them.

With training, you can become a witty person or a person who can read other people’s minds. For example, people who work in the service industry and are able to guess what the customer wants from their facial expressions and gestures can be said to have a high level of this ability because of their training.

Social awareness, in other words, is the ability to understand others.

Social awareness is not about looking inside yourself to understand, but about looking outside yourself to understand others, in other words, the ability to read the feelings of others.

People with this ability are able to put themselves in other people’s shoes and think about things. With this ability, everything, from personal relationships to business, goes more smoothly.

Understanding others starts with understanding oneself. People who have a high ability to know themselves naturally have a high ability to know others to some extent.

Conversely, if you don’t know yourself well, you cannot understand others. Therefore, the foundation of all skills is self-awareness, the ability to know oneself.

The fastest way to acquire social awareness is to observe others. Try to read the emotions in the gestures, facial expressions, posture, and tone of voice of the people you see.

The key to observing others is to concentrate on the present moment and focus only on the other person. Focus all your attention on the person in front of you. If you are thinking many thoughts in your head, you will not be able to read their emotions accurately.

It is also important to use all five senses when observing the other person.

Use your five senses to the fullest, and feel everything about the other person through your sixth sense of emotion. By using even the sixth sense, you will be able to see the world from the other person’s perspective.

By matching your emotions to the other person’s, you can completely become them. This is what it means to understand others, and people with a high level of empathy are able to do this.

Call the person’s name

Greeting and conversing with someone by saying their name out loud is a simple but very effective way to do so.

Many people have an important attachment to their own name. Therefore, it makes them happy just to hear their name called.

By simply including the other person’s name when you greet them, they will feel as if they are special, and the barrier between you will disappear.

If you make this a habit, you will naturally become more sociable and cheerful. Before you know it, the people around you and yourself will come to think of you as a sociable person, and you will establish the impression of being friendly.

Especially when you are talking with someone you have never met before, try to mention their name at the beginning of the conversation in order to remember their name, and it will stick in your memory.

Repeating the other person’s name in your mind and out loud allows you to focus only on the other person. This will help you understand others and improve your social awareness.

listen attentively

Listening is the key to improving social awareness.

And in order to listen authentically, you need to focus only on the person in front of you. It is important to get rid of all the distractions in your mind. First of all, eliminate distractions.

You may not have been aware of it, but most of us are thinking or talking to ourselves in our heads.

This lack of focus on the person in front of us interferes with our social awareness.

During a conversation, are you unconsciously thinking about what you are going to say next. Most of the time, you are either talking or preparing to talk.

Stop focusing only on yourself and focus all your attention on the other person. Just as you focus on your breathing in meditation, you should focus only on the other person during the conversation. This is true listening.

Listening, like meditation, is all about concentration.

The essence of both is concentration, so improving your concentration through meditation can also improve your communication skills.

Many times, people who think they have poor communication skills or poor social awareness are actually just not concentrating on the other person.

Communication skills = Ability to focus on the person in front of you

If you really focus only on the person in front of you, you will be able to understand what they are saying and you will be able to read their mind. This will also allow you to see what you should say and do to them.

Also, be sure to look the other person in the eye during the conversation.

During the conversation, it is important to face the other person as much as possible, stay a little closer to the other person, and look them in the eyes while listening. Observe their facial expressions, gestures, and everything else to read their emotions.

Eliminate all the thoughts in your head and focus all your attention only on the other person’s facial expressions, movements, and words. This alone will dramatically improve your ability to listen and read the other person’s emotions.

Be someone else like an actor

An actor’s job is to be someone else. In other words, it is their job to see the world from another person’s perspective.

You need to have a high level of empathy for others to be able to play the role perfectly. It is said that actors and people who are usually trained to read other people’s emotions in their work have a high level of social awareness.

This practice of sensing someone else’s feelings is the best way to increase your social awareness. With this practice, you will be able to understand others more deeply and improve your communication skills.

To put yourself in another person’s shoes, I recommend asking yourself if you were that person.

This is a technique that can also be used when someone accuses you of something. Putting yourself in the shoes of the person who accuses you can stop you from getting upset and arguing with them.

In most cases, you will find yourself thinking, “If I were in the other person’s shoes, I might want to say something like that.”

When you make this pattern of thinking a habit, you will find that your relationships will be very successful. Take a moment and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

You can practice reading the other person’s emotions anywhere. For example, when you are watching a movie, you can practice reading the emotions of the characters through their facial expressions. If you are in a café, you can practice reading the facial expressions of people conversing nearby to see how they are feeling.

The ability to read minds can also be improved with practice.

Even if you have to listen to your boss talks about boring things at the office, it will become a little more enjoyable if you think of it as an exercise in reading the other person’s emotions. Also, when you are trying to read the other person’s emotions, your empathy will naturally increase, making it easier for you to have a good relationship with your boss.

From now on, consider boring conversations as practice exercises to focus on the conversation and a chance to improve your social awareness.

Relationship Management – Managing Relationships

What are relationship management skills

Relationship management skills refer to the ability to manage relationships well by understanding the emotions of oneself and others.

People with this ability try to relate well to people even if they are not good at it. They aim to have a good relationship with everyone as much as possible and work hard to achieve this goal.

Our ability to manage relationships is determined by how well we understand others, how we treat others, and how much we can share our own experiences.

The best situation for all relationships is one where both parties can benefit from each other. It is a win-win situation, even with the types of people you are not good at.

If you don’t have a good relationship with people, you will not be able to communicate well, which will lead to various problems in your business and personal life.

Frequency and depth are important in building relationships.

It is important to make time just for that person, even if it is only for a short time. If it is an internal relationship, even three minutes is fine. Even if it is only three minutes, please make time just for that person.

People with good human relations skills have a strong interest in the people around them and a high ability to read emotions. They are good at creating an atmosphere where everyone feels comfortable to speak up, and they create a forum for discussion where everyone can participate.

When someone is frustrated, they are able to listen to the reason, understand the situation, and revive the person’s spirit.

They can also give appropriate encouragement to those who are depressed, and everyone will feel more confident in themselves after the conversation. A person with good relationship management skills is like a power spot that makes you feel better every time you talk to them.

They also have a strong interest in people, so even if they don’t seem to have anything in common with someone, they have the ability to read the other person’s interests and spark a conversation around their interests.

They are able to control their own emotions and empathize with the other person during the conversation, which makes the other person feel understood.

In other words, you always treat the person in front of you with the attitude that you are an important person.

Be open-minded and interested

Building and maintaining relationships is very important.

It is true that a surprising number of people think that focusing on work is more important than relationships at work or at home.

However, relationships at work and at home also have a great deal to do with work performance.

Getting along well with the people around you is one of the most important tasks you should undertake in life.

In order to have a good relationship, it is important to be open-minded.

To open up is to open up to others about yourself. You need to talk openly about a lot of things to help them understand you.

The more people around you understand you, the less likely they are to misunderstand you. People are insecure and hostile to the unknown. On the other hand, we tend to like what we know.

If you want to build relationships, self-disclosure is a must.

Don’t be shy to let people know more about you. This alone will make you feel more comfortable at work or in a group.

At the same time, it is also important to get to know the other person.

To get to know others, it is important to be interested in them. In order to do this, you need to be curious about things.

And to be curious, you have to see in everything the potential to make your life better. You also have to see the relevance of everything to you.

If you spend your days being curious about many things, you will naturally become interested in the people in front of you. The more you show interest in others and learn from them, the better you will be able to meet their needs and the less likely you will be to misunderstand them.

Know others and let others know you. It is important to always keep this in mind.

Think about the person you want to build a relationship with, take three minutes a day to talk to that person openly about yourself, and ask them questions out of interest.

Be grateful for criticism and opinions

Criticism and opinions are gifts from others. So is feedback.

Feedback allows you to see what you are not seeing and to improve it. You should take it all in and be grateful for it.

It is important to “accept” feedback.

In order to accept feedback well, you need to think, “Maybe you’re right. Take it in stride and try to analyze the feedback.

In most cases, the person who gave you the feedback is right. By accepting the feedback properly, you can grow and avoid many major mistakes.

No matter what the opinion, it is important to listen carefully.

Don’t be arrogant and lick the opinions of others. Always be humble and show respect to everyone. Listen to their opinions and ask questions to better understand their thoughts. By asking questions, you also show that you are listening to them.

And whether you agree with the person’s opinion or not, you should thank them for their feedback.

The same goes for criticism, which should be appreciated.

In the case of criticism, the person may not be saying it for your benefit. However, you should still be grateful.

This is because criticism will always lead to your growth. In many cases, such criticism can help you improve and avoid the worst.

Thus, when you are open to the opinions and criticisms of others, and when you accept and improve on their feedback, you will strengthen your bond with them and build a good relationship.

When you change your behavior in response to those opinions, it shows the other person that you respect their opinion and that you have respect for them. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship. As long as you feel respect, you can build a good relationship.

The next time you get an opinion from someone you want to build a relationship with, try to adopt it immediately.

If someone recommends a book, buy it and read it, if someone recommends a movie, watch it immediately. Even small things like this can show your respect for the other person and build a relationship of trust.

Adopting the other person’s opinion is like telling the other person, “Every word you say is very important to me.

Turn the tide of an argument

If you get into an argument, remember the most important thing.

In human relationships, the most important thing is to have a win-win situation for both parties. We are communicating with each other to enrich each other’s lives, not for the sake of general gain and loss.

It is important to remember what we are communicating with each other for and what we are usually together for.

We relate to people for positive influence, and no one wants a Lose-Lose relationship. So forget about blaming the other person and focus on repairing the conversation.

The point is to think about how you can reconcile rather than who is right.

Focus only on how you can make things better than they are now. Instead of focusing on the problem, focus on the solution.

Check to see if you have a constructive attitude and if your actions and words are having a positive impact on everyone.

The first step is to put aside your own thoughts and look at the situation objectively. When you can look at the situation from a bird’s eye view, you can easily see who is thinking win-win and who is not.

Then, pay attention to your emotions and physical state, even if it’s just for a moment during an argument. Check for a moment to see if your heart is beating faster or if you are breathing harder.

In the same way, try to imagine how the other person is feeling right now. For a moment, try to think like the other person.

By looking at both your side and the other person’s side, you can find out where you have crossed paths and start to repair the damage by sending a signal to reconcile.

The signal for reconciliation can be a small word.

For example, just saying, “This is a difficult conversation,” can help to ease the atmosphere. Or you can ask the other person how they feel. This is a good way to break the bad flow.

If you feel that you are both getting heated in a conversation, say something that will change the flow as soon as possible. People who are able to say this early and change the flow of the conversation have good relationship management skills.

Conclusion

What do you think?

By improving the 4 abilities I mentioned above, you can increase your EQ or mental intelligence quotient.

We often hear about people who are in the news for having a high IQ, and we often hear about great historical figures having a high IQ.

In today’s world, IQ is an application and EQ is an operating system. No matter how good the application is, without a good operating system, it will not work well.

Let’s focus on EQ, which is the most important aspect of human development and can be improved through training, and create a more fulfilling life.